Some time ago I shared with someone a word that I believed God had given me regarding Holiness. I felt that God was leading us (his people) into a season of renewed Holiness and covenant with him. I've been encouraged that this year a real emphasis has been placed on this in our church and others have really felt the leading and direction of God in this area also. As open and excited as i was for this to happen i've felt almost confused of late. Looking at my life,it seems like I'm in more of a season of turmoil than clarity.

I was so confused that I came before God and asked him to reveal his purpose in all of the chaos that i saw. I had prayed and committed myself to God, to knowing Him deeper and allowing him to dig deeper in me and yet here I was months later, unsettled and uncertain. The picture God gave me as an explanation was so interesting and made so much sense that i thought i would share it with you.

I really felt God say that He was in fact in the process of digging deeper within me but the process was not always going to be an easy or pretty one. Imagine a river that needs it's channels deepened. The process of making it deeper involves dredging the bottom to dig up and loosen the stuff in the way. As the dredging goes on the water becomes murky and unclear but as the process draws to an end, eventually the water settles and the end product is one of deep channels and waterways that are navigable. I felt The Lord speak to my heart and say that this is what he was doing in my life and in the lives of so many. Dredging the hidden and buried stuff to clear away what is not needed to produce depth and purpose.

The thing about this process is that along the way it can drag up some things that have been long buried - attitudes and experiences that need dealt with - and it can unsettle the water making it hard to see what if any progress is being made but God has a purpose in all of this. He wants to rid us of the negative residues of life to create more room for the movement and fluidity of His Spirit in our lives. So if like me you prayed a prayer surrendering your life to God and asking to go deeper, don't freak when things gets stirred up a little, simply submit to the process and wait for clear water.

Running In Heels

It's been a while. I was cheerfully coasting through september and before i knew it, i was being dragged through December, coming out the other end resembling some sort of tortured wildebeest! Anyone with me? I had dreams of turkey basting, cookie baking and card making, all done in the peaceful haze of domestic blissfulness when in reality i was snowed in, dosed up and late....... for everything!! Christmas as an adult isn't how i imagined it would be. It's busy and expensive and stressful!

I have to admit, now I'm out the other side, i was a little disappointed by my experience this year. I just didn't get that warm fuzzy feeling i kept expecting to get. Putting up the tree seemed a little less fun than i had remembered it. It snowed and we got a white christmas, but instead of being overjoyed, i was... cold! (Especially when we ran out of oil!) It just felt as though I was in a slump and i couldn't get out of it. I couldn't see beyond it. I felt like my expectation had diminished. I had been robbed.

Sometimes everyday life feels like that. We just get caught up in stuff. We started out with clear goals, exciting dreams and high expectations and half way through, we come up for air and realize that we don't recognize the landscape. How could our journey towards our dreams have taken such a detour into the desert? We get disappointed and dry. We feel like it would be easier to claw our way back than to fight our way forward in the unknown terrain.

But i don't want to take the line of a coward in these times! I don't want to turn and run with my manolos in hand! Nor do i want to just about make it by the skin of my teeth, exhausted by the experience and terrified to do it again. In these times i want to put on my battle boots, face the spiritual elements and take courage in the knowledge that i was made for desert combat.

Hey, if Moses can do it in sandals.......

The Journey Of Delay

So much of what i have been reading recently has been dealing with the issue of Hope. This small word had the potential to see us through to the realization of our dreams but the lack of it can also leave us visionless and without direction.

We live in a world that so often tells us not to hope for too much so that we won't become disappointed. We tell our kids not to have ideas above their stations and ourselves not to put all of our eggs into one basket. We breed dreamless attitudes and the very term dreamer is often used with negative connotations. This is the world we live in and the culture surrounding us but we are called to be in the world and not of it.

You see my bible doesn't say any of those things. Proverbs 23 tells us that 'There is surely a future Hope for you' and Isaiah says that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed, but I actually believe that Hope isn't the issue at all but more our hate of the wait. It was easy to Hope when we started out. We had the divine creativity to come up with the dream but when the stop sign popped up we were so unprepared for it!

I remember someone praying for me once saying 'Steph, God has made you spiritually pregnant with something, with a divine dream, but you need to remember not to hate the pregnancy'. It stuck with me. It made me think of so many times in my life where i have had the bravery to receive the call of God but lacked the determination and strength of character to wait on it.

I think we need to readdress our hearts on this issue. Find Hope in the word of God, have faith in the dreams he has planted in each of us, and remember to take the time to allow God to prepare us for the Birthing process.

' There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna want to make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast i get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb'

Miley Cyrus

Gods Justice

I was filming on the walls with Paddy and Andy this week. Walking around, taking the time to enjoy our city is something I just forget to do at times. From one point on the walls, you can look directly up shipquay street from the bottom gate all the way up to the statue at the diamond. It's such a beautiful perspective but on this particular day i noticed something funny.

The statue at the top is that of an angel and in front of it stands a street lamp, one of those old ones with two lanterns attached. From where i was standing, it looked as if both of these elements where connected, part of the one sculpture. For a moment, when i glanced at it, it looked to me as if the angel was carrying a set of scales not unlike the statue at the Old Bailey. I just felt God speak to my heart and say..

'Steph, these are the days when i will restore justice to this city'.

'This is what the LORD says:
"In the time of my favor I will answer you,
and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people,
to restore the land
and to reassign its desolate inheritances,

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.'

Isaiah 49

Chaos theory

Was just thinking today about the idea of chaos. To fill you in, I've begun studying this year, and my first module is The Old Testament Survey. (They wanted to ease us in gently..not!) So I'm starting at the beginning, Literally, with Genesis Ch 1. Its talking about the start of everything which was nothing really! 'Formless and empty darkness', that's what it says, and the original term used for this meant Chaos.
Now Chaos is a term i understand.I'm a self confessed control freak. I know what it is to feel like everything around me is spinning out of control, without purpose and shape and order.....and nothing freaks me more!! And today as i read i had a revelation. You see only God can create something out of nothing. Man can create and manipulate and transform but it always has a starting point, a material, a fabric, a plan, a concept. But God comes along and creates something amazing from nothing. Wow. He comes along and with a word, the Chaos is stilled.
I firmly believe that God is a God of order, purpose, plan and destiny. Where he resides and controls, there will be no chaos. And i thought very simply, if i could just learn to surrender the control over to him, my life would be chaos free. Filled with order, purpose, destiny, peace and ultimately way less freak outs!