Some time ago I shared with someone a word that I believed God had given me regarding Holiness. I felt that God was leading us (his people) into a season of renewed Holiness and covenant with him. I've been encouraged that this year a real emphasis has been placed on this in our church and others have really felt the leading and direction of God in this area also. As open and excited as i was for this to happen i've felt almost confused of late. Looking at my life,it seems like I'm in more of a season of turmoil than clarity.

I was so confused that I came before God and asked him to reveal his purpose in all of the chaos that i saw. I had prayed and committed myself to God, to knowing Him deeper and allowing him to dig deeper in me and yet here I was months later, unsettled and uncertain. The picture God gave me as an explanation was so interesting and made so much sense that i thought i would share it with you.

I really felt God say that He was in fact in the process of digging deeper within me but the process was not always going to be an easy or pretty one. Imagine a river that needs it's channels deepened. The process of making it deeper involves dredging the bottom to dig up and loosen the stuff in the way. As the dredging goes on the water becomes murky and unclear but as the process draws to an end, eventually the water settles and the end product is one of deep channels and waterways that are navigable. I felt The Lord speak to my heart and say that this is what he was doing in my life and in the lives of so many. Dredging the hidden and buried stuff to clear away what is not needed to produce depth and purpose.

The thing about this process is that along the way it can drag up some things that have been long buried - attitudes and experiences that need dealt with - and it can unsettle the water making it hard to see what if any progress is being made but God has a purpose in all of this. He wants to rid us of the negative residues of life to create more room for the movement and fluidity of His Spirit in our lives. So if like me you prayed a prayer surrendering your life to God and asking to go deeper, don't freak when things gets stirred up a little, simply submit to the process and wait for clear water.

Running In Heels

It's been a while. I was cheerfully coasting through september and before i knew it, i was being dragged through December, coming out the other end resembling some sort of tortured wildebeest! Anyone with me? I had dreams of turkey basting, cookie baking and card making, all done in the peaceful haze of domestic blissfulness when in reality i was snowed in, dosed up and late....... for everything!! Christmas as an adult isn't how i imagined it would be. It's busy and expensive and stressful!

I have to admit, now I'm out the other side, i was a little disappointed by my experience this year. I just didn't get that warm fuzzy feeling i kept expecting to get. Putting up the tree seemed a little less fun than i had remembered it. It snowed and we got a white christmas, but instead of being overjoyed, i was... cold! (Especially when we ran out of oil!) It just felt as though I was in a slump and i couldn't get out of it. I couldn't see beyond it. I felt like my expectation had diminished. I had been robbed.

Sometimes everyday life feels like that. We just get caught up in stuff. We started out with clear goals, exciting dreams and high expectations and half way through, we come up for air and realize that we don't recognize the landscape. How could our journey towards our dreams have taken such a detour into the desert? We get disappointed and dry. We feel like it would be easier to claw our way back than to fight our way forward in the unknown terrain.

But i don't want to take the line of a coward in these times! I don't want to turn and run with my manolos in hand! Nor do i want to just about make it by the skin of my teeth, exhausted by the experience and terrified to do it again. In these times i want to put on my battle boots, face the spiritual elements and take courage in the knowledge that i was made for desert combat.

Hey, if Moses can do it in sandals.......